Denton County Friends of the Family
"I am a communications specialist, and a graduate student of journalism at the University of North Texas. This evening's events are what pedophiles never expect us to have.
After last year's awareness campaign, I started noting some media reports of child sexual abuse in North Texas. Here is what I found:
Garland, Texas, 1993 - a 42-year-old man is charged with sexually abusing a 14-year-old boy. The man gave toys and cash in exchange for sex. The defense lawyer argued that the boy wanted sex with the man because the boy returned at least a dozen times. The jury agreed with the defense. The man has 24 similar charges against him.
There was another case in Garland involving a High School band instructor and a dozen boys from two of the man's classes. He'd been teaching 15 years.
In Irving, a 60-year-old minister, turned day-care facilitator, was caught molesting a boy.
Dallas, Texas- 1993 Father Rudolph Kos is accused of molesting two altar boys. The victims are now in their 20s and came forward during their recovery process. The Archdiocese of Dallas denied the charges and sent Rudolph Kos to New Mexico.
There are a few things the local media didn't tell.
The Catholic Church had more than 2, 000 similar cases of abuse in court in 1993. More than 100,000 parishioners have been sexually abused in the past 30 years. Three quarters of a billion dollars has been settled in lawsuits with abuse victims. The number of men in Dallas who now accuse Rudolph Kos of sexually abusing them is six. One man had been orphaned by his parents and given to Kos to raise.
When will the number of victims be high enough to outrage -other citizens of North Texas? How many boys have to be molested before it becomes common knowledge that children do not ask for manipulation, coercion, bribery or tricks or the introduction into one adult's version of sex? Societal incompetence and disbelief are irresponsible excuses to give a child who asks - 'why me?'
Dr. Herchel Swinger of California State University at Los Angeles was permitted by gang members of L.A.'s most powerful gang- the bloods, to research them. He found that of the 200 gang members- all had been sexually abused before the age of 8 and usually by more than one perpetrator. Most had also been physically abused before the age of 12. The perpetrator was primarily one or more of the mother's boyfriends. In addition, as part of the gangs initiation ritual, new members were to act out sexually with gang leaders since they shared the common bond. They were also to perform a drive-by-shooting. No one Swinger interviewed expected to live past the age of 20, nor did they care to. Boys who act in violence have not picked up on a trend, they have found the loudest way to gain control of their lives.
Boys are overwhelmed with shame and guilt after having been molested. They will usually grow up without telling. But what choices have we provided the boy who is sexually abused? When we allow the pedophile go about his business, we send the message that the molest was no big deal- the boy looses his pride, and his dignity. He looses his sense of identity and his sexuality. The term virginity is a lie.
Boys turn to alcohol or drugs to forget and (yes) the addiction will dull the pain, they will compulsively fixate on sexual fantasies, or search for anonymous encounters. They will overeat, they will overspend they will master the art of covering it up because the deeper they go the more they have to hide. Their best friends don't know, their parent's don't know and their wife won't know - until they get caught - by HIV, by the police, or they attempt suicide.
My plea is simple. It starts with the birth of your child. You love him, you nurture him, and you inform him. This is what you say- 'Son, there are people called pedophiles who seek out children for sexual gratification. These people will try to touch you where they shouldn't, and most of the time it will be someone you, or mom and dad know- real well. I will keep drilling this into you, until you are able to defend yourself and compete with an adult intelect. Should this ever happen, you must tell me immediately so that I can call for help.' That takes a few seconds to say- but for the course of your child's life, it will endure. Those parents who refuse to discuss, and those parents who are skeptics are placing your child at great risk. Breaking silence is going to be the molestor's only perpetrator.
I want to share a verse with you:
I titled it:
A boy awakens pure as morning dew,
without a trace of feeling blue.
A boy creates life with imagination,
he hopes to travel to many a destination.
A boy grows up laughing on a swing,
he just assumes we're always being.
A boy is much shorter than a man.
He doesn't have hair on his hand.
A boy looks for guidance when in need,
he never expected to find only greed.
A boy walks months in his bare feet
and never worried about being neat.
A boy had no cause for rage -
but man was cunning and sage.
A boy is jolly and bright,
he even likes to sing at night.
A boy didn't feel hate -
man ensured his fate.
A boy's mind loses the future,
he did once know how to nurture.
A boy can't understand death,
until man takes a final breath.
A boy rides his fear...
Of being a man.
(c April 1995 - Jeffrey Allen Miller)
For all of us male survivors tonight, we are heros to that boy inside of us. By being here, and by breaking an authoritative command of silence, we are defining for that boy, what this man will be. Caring and gentle, capable of love and worthy of peace, powerful in wit and elegance. Stronger then those hands that embrace his boy in hell. Thank you."